Wednesday, September 29, 2010

How some men treat women

Contrary to popular belief, men do think using their logic when it comes to relationship. Some men, including me, divide women they want to be "in relationship with" (I use this term loosely) into essentially two groups: for-fun and serious (sometimes even wife material). "Serious" doesn't mean there're no fun in it. It just means he's willing to go further.

Some men take positive-negative approach (have hope with the relationship, but will fallback to for-fun if it doesn't work, or simply dump her) or negative-positive approach (never intend to be serious, but might change over time). The important thing is: they can change their mind. I'll get back to this later.

The fun/serious division is sometimes not obvious. After all, a man can do anything to get what he wants, including pretending to be committed. You can not see his seriousness from his acceptance ("I'm OK if you're fat/divorced/minority"). Those who serious will accept you as you are. Those who just want you for sex simply don't care.

Instead, observe his devotion to you. A man who wants to be serious with you will invest in you, because he knows you're worth it. The more valuable his devotion, the more serious he's likely to be. The most valuable thing is not his money, he can get that more. It's his dedication: his thought, energy and time.

BTW, this hint does not apply to guys whose thought/energy/time redirection yield no difference (i.e. using his time to work or sleep or dedicating it to you makes no difference, probably because his time is worthless). If the man's time is so precious for him yet he spend it for you, then it must be something.

Let me give you an example. Assume I'm in relationship with a woman. She gives me everything I want and she's physically hot, but she's addicted to drug. And just assume that I have issue with her addiction, probably because I know drug is not good for her health and I don't want her to waste her life. If I put her as for-fun, I wouldn't need to worry about that. As a matter of fact, it is stupid for me if I force her to quit: she'll be upset and hate me, I'll loose the fun she gave me (e.g. sex). Simply no benefit for me.

But if I'm serious with her, I will that that risk. I will ask her to quit, with the risk of her hurting me in the process. I know I might loose the short-term fun she give, but I know it's worth it because I still want to see her alive and healthy in next 20 years.

If I'm even more serious with her, instead of telling her to quit and leave her fight the trouble alone. I will help her with research (on how to effectively remove the addiction), accompany her to care center, support her and be with her.

But no matter how hard I try, I can never change her mind. If she's so stubborn, there are only two options left: leave her or accept her the way she has become. For me? I will leave her. What's the point of loving somebody who doesn't love her own body?

1 comment:

  1. Interesting post!
    This could tell me about how much the "price" of myself I've gained so far.. Thank you for sharing!


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