Being better, necessary?

Nobody is perfect. Everyone have their own weaknesses: pasts, habits, limitations. It's not to say that you don't need to do anything about that—that would be a lame excuse. Everyone have to make themselves better.

But sometimes you cant change some of your weaknesses. No matter how hard you try.

In relationship, this is the Stop/Go factor. If your partner's OK with you and all of your "remaining" weaknesses, then it's a Go. This is what being "compatible" is.

Otherwise, it's a Stop and Bye. And there's nothing wrong with that. If everyone always accept their partner's weaknesses, there would be no break-up in this world, and first boy/girlfriend will always be your only boy/girlfriend (and consecutively, your forever husband/wife).

So, knowing that shit happens, should you make yourself better? Of course. It's for your own good.

How some men treat women

Contrary to popular belief, men do think using their logic when it comes to relationship. Some men, including me, divide women they want to be "in relationship with" (I use this term loosely) into essentially two groups: for-fun and serious (sometimes even wife material). "Serious" doesn't mean there're no fun in it. It just means he's willing to go further.

Some men take positive-negative approach (have hope with the relationship, but will fallback to for-fun if it doesn't work, or simply dump her) or negative-positive approach (never intend to be serious, but might change over time). The important thing is: they can change their mind. I'll get back to this later.

The fun/serious division is sometimes not obvious. After all, a man can do anything to get what he wants, including pretending to be committed. You can not see his seriousness from his acceptance ("I'm OK if you're fat/divorced/minority"). Those who serious will accept you as you are. Those who just want you for sex simply don't care.

Instead, observe his devotion to you. A man who wants to be serious with you will invest in you, because he knows you're worth it. The more valuable his devotion, the more serious he's likely to be. The most valuable thing is not his money, he can get that more. It's his dedication: his thought, energy and time.

BTW, this hint does not apply to guys whose thought/energy/time redirection yield no difference (i.e. using his time to work or sleep or dedicating it to you makes no difference, probably because his time is worthless). If the man's time is so precious for him yet he spend it for you, then it must be something.

Let me give you an example. Assume I'm in relationship with a woman. She gives me everything I want and she's physically hot, but she's addicted to drug. And just assume that I have issue with her addiction, probably because I know drug is not good for her health and I don't want her to waste her life. If I put her as for-fun, I wouldn't need to worry about that. As a matter of fact, it is stupid for me if I force her to quit: she'll be upset and hate me, I'll loose the fun she gave me (e.g. sex). Simply no benefit for me.

But if I'm serious with her, I will that that risk. I will ask her to quit, with the risk of her hurting me in the process. I know I might loose the short-term fun she give, but I know it's worth it because I still want to see her alive and healthy in next 20 years.

If I'm even more serious with her, instead of telling her to quit and leave her fight the trouble alone. I will help her with research (on how to effectively remove the addiction), accompany her to care center, support her and be with her.

But no matter how hard I try, I can never change her mind. If she's so stubborn, there are only two options left: leave her or accept her the way she has become. For me? I will leave her. What's the point of loving somebody who doesn't love her own body?

The case for Indonesia

My mom always wants me to go back and work in Jakarta. I can understand her situation. After my dad passed away, she's now alone. I'm working in Malaysia, my sister's studying in China, and while my other sister's staying with mom, she's working in shift as a nurse.

Going back is easy, but finding job that's "good fit" for me is not. I'm up in the level where it's too expensive for companies in Indonesia to employ me in my current position (Software Engineer a.k.a Techie Guy). It's not that they can't offer me high salary, but it's reserved for managerial positions. Since I'm already specialized, I might not be a good manager (and the horror of administrative tasks, oh no!).

There is another reason why I don't want to go back: the "everything else" is not getting any better—it's even worse. When I traveled from my place to a friend's, the traffic sucked. Even sucked more when it's raining. The once-adored Busway now looks slummy. Once-respected BlueBird taxis screwed me twice!

When I read the paper, it's always about corruption and disasters. When I turned on the television, the only things playing were Take Me Out (and its variations) and infotainment shows. Everything broadcasted on paper and on air were all hyped and negative. To be fair, news in Malaysia could be worse, but I don't follow them.

I love my country. My family live there. Most of my friends are there (or "stuck" there, as some of them told me). The natural attractions are beautiful and the ladies are friendlier :) I even plan to spend this year to travel around Indonesia even though my friends told me, "Why travel there if you can go somewhere else?" But the condition is hostile for my career and my sanity.

I may go back and spend a couple of months when my contract ends. But that's because of the important things I mentioned above (family and stuff). I don't plan to pursue my career there—except maybe when I start my own business (a restaurant?).

Another interesting week

I'm getting lame at making blog titles. Anyway, here's a quick round up of this week. I'll obliviously think I'm a celebrity to justify the importance of this post. Readers be warned.

I was assigned the role of Toastmaster of the Evening (TME) for last Wednesday's Toastmasters meeting. It's like being Master of Ceremony (MC). I had attended meetings for dozen of times, but I'm so ignorant that I couldn't remember how the previous TMEs did their job. So I contacted Penny Chin, a fellow member, to help me prepare. She's so great at explaining it, but I was so shallow (and yes, ignorant) that during D-day I performed awfully. At least everybody laughed.

In the meeting there were some guests, all new faces, mostly cute chicks including a French girl who works as translator and has traveled all over Asia <-- if this information is not accurate then I definitely not paying attention to her talk. But the guest that interested me most was a guy named Khairul. No, I'm not gay.

Shameless plug: The club I'm a member of is quite international. We have members from Indonesia (me), Russia, Myanmar, Taiwan and Pakistan (and of course, Malaysia). If you're in Kuala Lumpur and want to sharpen your communication/leadership skill the fun way, feel free to come. Guests are most welcome, and it's free.

Back to Khairul. He's a quiet guy most of the time during the meeting. But just now I checked his website (he gave his name card), and wow I'm amazed. I never thought there is any Web 2.0 guy in Malaysia. Skimming at his blog, I can see he's passionate with Web technology. Cool. And he's the one who brought the French girl to our meeting. Even cooler.

The thing is, I'm a really Web 2.0 geek, developer type. That's why I'm enthusiastic when encountering geeks-alike. I don't just use Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, FourSquare, and numerous others, but I also longing to develop something like those. I'm currently developing a super-awesome-caffeine-induced social thingy in my secret underground lair. I'll keep you updated on that.

Apparently one French a day was not enough. After the meeting, Penny said she wanted to pick up this French guy who supposed to stay at her house. She joined a website where people can host foreigners. I thought the idea was dangerous and crazy. We followed Penny to a nice Mamak nearby KLCC and met the guy. He's nice and polite. Maybe the idea wasn't that crazy.

The day after I went to watch movie in KLCC with Penny and the gang, including the French guy whom I can't remember his name (it's French). I had some interesting conversations with him. He said he was from Australia where he worked there for some months using Working Holiday Visa.

He also shared his experience when he first arrived in Bali. He told me that some guys were "very friendly" to pickup his bags for him, but then they escorted him to money changer to claim their fee. He also thought the taxi driver took him around to increase the meter. Classic.

That's the problem in Bali (but I guess in many tourism places as well), some people are just like to take advantage of clueless tourists. I told him that I experienced the same even though I'm *Indonesian*. Either they're preposterous or I was really stupid (I think both). Next time when you plan to travel, better do your homework before you get there. Ask Google.

Interesting two weeks

Here's a story: A Singaporean girl asked an Indonesian guy for a place to stay in KL. The guy recommended his property agent, a Malaysian, to help her find a room. She moved to the designated house where two guys were currently staying.

One of the guy, an Iranian, had interest in her but apparently didn't know how to make a proper move. Feeling intimidated and harassed, the girl told her Dutch boyfriend about it. The unhappy boyfriend came with his British friend and gave the Iranian a lesson—with a baseball stick. The other guy who lived in the house, a Burmese, came to tell me the story. Now that's what I call "international incident".

The past two weeks have been interesting. Apart from that movie-like incident, lots of stuff have kept me busy. I had to prepare my 2nd assignment speech in Toastmasters, and came out with a nice topic: How to get girls. I was awarded Best Assignment Speaker (got edible souvenir, nice), but the girls in the club now look at me meticulously as if I a playboy. Annoying, but worth the souvenir.

I also bought a Sennheiser, model HD 280 Pro. For RM580, the headphone performs well, but not over my expectation. It's a bit weak on the bass (e.g. not "punchy"), but superior on percussions.

And then I went to Butterworth with my colleague, assisting him installing software in client site. It was a four-day trip, and we went to Penang in Sunday. Took some pictures which you can see in my Facebook. If you can't see it, just go to deviantArt for a higher resolution version. Here's a sample:

A day after returning to KL, I went to DBKL with some fellow Toastmasters to watch Yamato Drum Concert. The concert was a wow, you can watch some of their performances in YouTube. After the show they took me to SkyBar in Traders Hotel. Finally! I was longing to go there since before New Year 2010 because my friend told me they have a good view of the Twin Tower KLCC. Indeed they have:

And tonight I'll fly to Jakarta.

Accident in front of my eyes

I always believe I'm here in this world to serve a greater purpose. I try very hard to absorb knowledge as much as I can, especially in the field of (information) technology and human interest, because I believe I can make a difference to this world with technology. I believe I must be a better man to better help others. But maybe I think too far.

Last weekend I was in Jakarta doing my regular social visit. While crossing a busy street at the heart of the city, I saw—in front of my eyes—an accident happening. A car nudged a motorbike, causing the biker to loose control and fell.

Like a computer, my brain thought fast crunching possibilities. What should I do? Should I help the biker first or stop the car? (In Jakarta, people tend to run away when they cause a traffic accident) How should I help the biker? Is it safe to raise him to the side of the road? With all those thoughts popping up, you expect that I came up with something brilliant right? But in fact, I just stood there staring blank until some guys showed up and started giving hands. I didn't know what to do!

We moved the biker aside, secured his bike, but the car escaped (I told you). Had I acted fast, the car would still be there for us to demand his responsibility. All of a sudden I shivered: What if this thing happened to someone I care so much, and no one else nearby but me, yet I know nothing about first aid!

The guy had a small injury, hopefully no broken bone. But after I left the scene, I felt regretful for not knowing what to do. I have a high IQ and high dreams, but I acted stupid and did nothing. I feel ashamed for that.

Toastmasters dan 7 Habits

Pernah dengar Toastmasters? Toastmasters adalah social club untuk pengembangan kemampuan komunikasi dan kepemimpinan. Udah beberapa bulan ini gw bergabung disitu.

Awalnya gw sempat skeptis waktu diajak, "Ujung-ujungnya disuruh jualan nih." Apalagi yang mengajak cewek yang gw kenal di Internet, dan dia kerja di MLM :D

Waktu kuliah gw pernah dibohongi teman (if it's you who're reading this, yes you sucked) untuk ikut "seminar mengenai jaringan" saat mata kuliah Jaringan Komputer. Kecurigaan gw muncul begitu melihat nenek-nenek di dalam ruangan, "Lho dia tertarik TCP/UDP juga?" Ternyata seminar MLM.

Kembali ke Toastmasters. Disitu gw belajar banyak soal communication and presentation skills, gw juga mengenal banyak teman baru. Biasanya setiap pertemuan selalu ada tamu (non-member), dan kemarin teman gw mengundang seseorang dari Covey Leadership Center.

Begitu tau dia dari Covey, gw langsung bersemangat. Gw langsung nyerocos bilang kalau buku 7 Habits sungguh mengubah hidup gw. Gw cerita bahwa gw dulu suka malas-malasan, main game terus dan hidup gw ga jelas. Setelah membaca 7 Habits, gw mulai berubah menjadi seperti sekarang—tetap suka malas-malasan dan main game, tapi lebih baik :D

Anyway, kalau kalian ada waktu, coba deh lihat-lihat website Toastmasters, datang ke pertemuan mereka (tamu gratis kok). Mereka punya cabang di 106 negara termasuk Indonesia. Cek juga buku 7 Habits kalau kalian belum pernah baca, itu buku lama tapi worth to read. Cheers! :)

Gantungkanlah cita-citamu setinggi dinding

Ada yang bilang, "Gantungkanlah cita-citamu setinggi langit." Masalahnya adalah, selain secara praktek agak mustahil, menaruhnya terlalu tinggi akan membuat gw sulit melihatnya.

Sebagai suatu objective statement, kita harus menaruh cita-cita di depan mata agar senantiasa terlihat. So you know where you're supposedly heading. Itu sebabnya gw menulis keinginan-kenginan gw di kertas lalu menempelkannya di dinding, tepat di depan mata.

Gw memasang foto di atas bukan untuk pamer, bukan juga untuk bercanda. Beberapa sangat masuk akal ("Buy drybox"), beberapa ga berhubungan dengan profesi gw ("Learn Salsa"). Beberapa bahkan terlihat menggelikan, tapi ga ada salahnya menginginkan Jaguar kan?

Ga semua cita-cita gw tercantum disitu. Bukan karena ga penting, tapi karena capek menulisnya :D Nanti, seiring berjalannya waktu, gw akan menambah/mengurangi kertas disitu. Dari semua yang tertulis, yang paling mudah dipenuhi adalah semua yang berawalan "Buy..." karena fulfillment factor-nya hanya satu: uang. Yang tersulit adalah objektif yang berkelanjutan, misalnya makan sayur.

Apakah gw ingin semuanya terwujud? Tentu. Apakah gw akan kecewa kalau ada yang ga terwujud? Tentu. Apakah gw akan berhenti melakukan hal ini kalau sebagian besar ga terwujud? Tentu tidak.

Ga selalu semua tujuan kita harus tercapai, tapi menjalani hidup tanpa tujuan sama dengan menembak tanpa target. Bagaimana bisa tau kita semakin baik/buruk kalau ga ada tolak ukurnya?

Catatan: Fotonya bisa diklik untuk menampilkan ukuran sebenarnya. Sebagian kata-kata di foto sengaja gw buat kabur karena private and confidential :)

Update About Me (ga penting)

I’m still at my office. This is just a quick note while I’m waiting for my GWT-based web app to finish compile.

Belakangan ini gw sering ke macrumors.com, soalnya gw ingin beli MacBook Pro. MacBook gw yang sekarang udah ga kuat lagi menemani gw menjalani hidup yang keras ini (hayah). MacRumors menyediakan Buyer’s Guide untuk membantu kita kapan sebaiknya membeli produk Apple. Gw ingat waktu beli iPod Nano untuk adek gw, sebulan kemudian muncul yang baru :( Coba dulu gw tau MacRumors.

Seminggu yang lalu gw demam dan ga masuk kerja. Seharian terkapar di kamar. Paginya (di hari gw ga masuk) gw ke klinik dekat rumah untuk periksa ke dokter dan dapetin surat ijin. Baru kerasa sedihnya tinggal sendiri. Untung tukang masak di kantin apartemen gw orang Indonesia dan berbaik hati nganterin gw ke klinik.

Weekend kemarin gw pulang ke Bekasi. Gw puas-puasin menghabiskan waktu bareng Mama dan adek gw. Tadinya ingin ke Dusit Mangga Dua untuk beli LCD untuk Mama dan Gemini untuk adek gw, tapi waktunya ga memungkinkan. Akhirnya kita ke Cyber Park. Harga Gemini cenderung sama dengan di kota, tapi LCD beda setengah juta, akhirnya gw hanya beli Gemini.

Gw juga kayaknya butuh LCD 24” untuk disini. Cinema Display is a bit out of my range, jadi gw ingin beli yang lain. Cinema Display mahal karena pakai teknologi IPS, gw keliatannya akan cari Dell U2410 yang juga pakai IPS. Daftar lengkapnya ada disini.

Makanan di Malaysia, terutama Kuala Lumpur

Ini kedengarannya konyol, tapi setelah gw berkeluh-kesah di blog soal kepergian Papa, gw sekarang lebih plong. Anyway, back to my life.

Kalian mungkin tau, gw sekarang jadi kuli di negeri jiran. Sebelum kesini, gw sempat googling tentang Malaysia dan Kuala Lumpur, khususnya soal biaya hidup dan standar gaji (penasaran apakah penawaran mereka under atau good enough, hoho). Sekarang gantian gw yang sharing, tapi dari sisi lain.

Disclaimer: Gw disini baru tiga bulan. Karena ga ada teman hangout, gw lebih sering menghabiskan waktu senggang di rumah. Oh, kecuali disebutkan lain, gw hanya berbicara seputar Kuala Lumpur.

Ada tiga ras utama di Malaysia: Melayu, Cina dan India. Ada juga ras lain seperti Iban, tapi mereka minoritas. Malaysia merupakan negara favorit untuk menimba ilmu bagi orang-orang timur tengah, terutama Iran. Orang Eropa juga banyak terlihat terutama di pusat kota (bayangkan jalan Legian di Bali atau Kemang di Jakarta).

Soal makanan.

• Karena multi-nasional, makanan disini sangat bervariasi.
• Makanan disini cenderung “kurang rasa”, terutama jika dibandingkan dengan makanan Sumatera.
• Mereka ga biasa menyediakan tissue dan botolan (sambal, kecap) di atas meja.
• Kalau minta tissue kadang bayar (WTF???).
• Mereka ga begitu suka pedas.
• Sejauh ini, yang paling banyak variasinya adalah chinese food. Mereka menuliskan menunya ga pakai huruf latin, dan banyak pedagang yang bahasa Inggrisnya pas-pasan.
• “Warung Padang” disini adalah rumah makan India (“nasi kandar”). “Warteg” disini adalah rumah makan “Mamak” (sebenarnya lebih mirip kafe sederhana ketimbang warteg).
• Untuk warung Padang beneran biasanya di daerah yang banyak orang Indonesianya, misalnya Kampung Baru.
• Pizza Hut disini ga enak. Pelayanannya payah, jauh dibandingkan di Indonesia.
• McDonald disini juga ga enak, tapi sedikit lebih baik dari Pizza Hut. Mereka ga menjual nasi.
• KFC disini hampir sama dengan di Indonesia (baik harga maupun rasa). Ga jual nasi juga.
• Secara umum, sambal/cabe disini ga pedas, termasuk yang di fast food.
• Di Indonesia, rumah makan yang ramai biasanya ada di dalam mall. Disini, orang-orang lebih memilih makan di restoran yang “kondisinya seadanya” (tanpa AC, bangkunya butut) tapi makannya enak. Di Indonesia kita melihat “nyaman”, disini melihat “enak” (meski makan keringetan).
• Untuk sarapan, gw biasanya makan nasi lemak (anggaplah nasi uduk). Harganya rata-rata 2 RM (~Rp. 5.500). Kadang gw beli sandwich (2 RM juga), tapi nasi lemak lebih bikin kenyang.
• Kalau pesan “teh”, akan dikasih teh+susu.
• Kalau pesan “kopi”, akan dikasih kopi+susu.
• Untungnya kalau pesan air putih, ga dicampur susu.
• “Air putih” disebutnya “air kosong”.
• Kalau mau pesan teh/kopi “doang”, bilangnya teh “O” atau kopi “O”.
• Untuk sekali makan siang “orang kantoran” rata-rata 6 RM (~Rp. 16.500) dan kalau di mall rata-rata 12 RM (~Rp. 33.000).
• Gw pernah sekali makan habis 25 RM, dan itu rasanya seperti mengeluarkan 25 ribu Rupiah (which of course, not true! 25 RM sekitar 69 ribu Rupiah). Biar ga boros, selalu ingat untuk “harga dikali tiga ribu”.
• Malaysia adalah negara Islam, jadi makanan di mall, termasuk chinese food adalah halal, kecuali jelas-jelas tertulis “Non-Halal”.
• Chinese food di luar mall kebanyakan ga halal. Hmm.. mungkin itu sebabnya teman-teman gw lebih prefer makan di luar mall.
• “Mi” disini mungkin ada ratusan rasa.
• Gw ga nemu Indomie disini, tapi kata teman Indonesia gw, seharusnya ada tapi rasanya beda (ga enak). Indomie asli dijual ilegal di beberapa tempat yang banyak orang Indonesianya.
• Yang sering gw liat adalah mi Sedaap. Rasanya beda juga (ga enak).
• Teh Botol Sosro sejauh ini hanya gw temui di rumah makan Tar di samping stasiun Chowkit. Udah beberapa minggu ini mereka ga ada stok.
• Disini ga ada Hoka-Hoka Bento. Restoran Jepang disini rasanya “Jepang beneran” (ga tau juga sih, belum pernah ke Jepang, hehe). Pokoknya beda dengan Hokben yang rasanya “pop” banget (tapi gw suka, I’m so ordinary Indonesian).
• Ikan asin keliatannya disini lebih dihargai, terutama di chinese food.
• Nai goreng disini seperti nasi *digoreng sebentar banget* trus dikasih kecap *sedikit banget*. Dan mungkin ada ikan asinnya.
• Di daerah kampus (bayangkan Depok), sekali makan bisa hanya bayar 3.2 RM (~Rp. 9.000). Nasi + daging + sayur.
• Susu kedelai lumayan populer.
• Minuman beralkohol paling populer adalah Carlsberg. Bisa dibilang itu “Bir Bintang”-nya Malaysia, soalnya banyak dijual di rumah makan pinggir jalan.

Secara umum, makanan disini sangat bervariasi tapi rasanya “nanggung” (kurang berani), dan harganya 1.5 - 2 kali lebih mahal dibanding di Jakarta. But of course, standar gaji disini 2-3 kali di Indonesia, so it’s not a big deal :)

Hello World (from MacJournal)

If you can read this, it means I managed to publish blog from MacJournal. Hello World!
This is a new line.

This is written in italics. And this one is bold.

You should see my picture below:


Bye :)

Update: I used Picasa to upload the picture. I hope it works.

We don't live for ourselves

Kalau kamu ada di Facebook gw atau di milis Java User Group Indonesia, kamu mungkin mengetahui sekarang papa gw udah kembali ke Surga. Dengan sangat jujur gw bilang, gw sungguh menyesal dengan kepergian Papa. Baru sekarang gw ada waktu dan kekuatan untuk menulis ini.

Postingan ini berisi uneg-uneg gw. Akan banyak kata-kata kasar disini. Stop here if you don't want to read it.

Gw tau semua orang pada akhirnya akan meninggal. Gw juga tau "waktu"-nya ga bisa ditentukan. YANG GW GA MAU TAU ADALAH KENAPA GW GA BISA BERBUAT APA-APA UNTUK MENUNDA PROSES ITU.

Papa gw ga kena kanker, ga kena penyakit yang belum ada obatnya, ga kena kecelakaan. Papa meninggal karena penyakit yang SEHARUSNYA BISA DIOBATI KALAU TERDETEKSI SEJAK AWAL. Dari penuturan murid Papa dan beberapa teman sepaguyubannya, Papa udah tau dia sakit, tapi ga mau ambil pusing. Besar kemungkinan Papa ga mau merepotkan keluarga.

Awalnya hati gw menyalahkan Papa, tapi gw pikir lagi, ITU GA AKAN TERJADI SEANDAINYA GW BECUS MENCARI UANG DAN BUKANNYA BERSANTAI RIA. Seandainya gw udah sukses dan punya banyak uang, Papa pasti ga sungkan untuk merepotkan gw.

Tapi alih-alih bekerja keras, GW TERLENA DENGAN KEMAMPUAN GW DAN SIBUK DENGAN DUNIA GW, berusaha mengejar idealisme entrepreneurship yang sampai sekarang pun ga keliatan hasilnya. Alih-alih mengejar karir di suatu perusahaan besar, gw hanya membual janji bullshit kepada keluarga gw tanpa sadar they need my money now, not few years later after I sell my hypothetical Web 2.0 Startup to Google.

I HATE MYSELF, MY ARROGANCE, MY F*CK*NG DREAM OF BEING SUCCESFUL LATER AT THE COST OF "bersusah-susah dahulu". I hate myself for not realizing that I don't work for my own welfare. Kalau aja di otak gw ada pikiran, "Hey tolol, lo jangan cepat puas, segini belum ada apa-apanya untuk keluarga lo," tentu gw ga akan kecolongan seperti ini.

OK, mungkin semua udah ditakdirkan. Papa udah tau soal bencana Haiti dan Chile, jauh sebelum mereka terjadi. Papa juga tau bencana-bencana lain yang akan datang. Papa mungkin juga tau soal kepergian dirinya, sehingga secara "kebetulan" meninggalkan kami tepat setelah semua anaknya lulus kuliah dan udah bekerja, dan tepat saat Imlek saat kami sekeluarga berada di Indonesia (salah satu adek gw kuliah di Cina sedangkan gw bekerja di Malaysia). Well, I don't give a sh*t about those supernatural things. Yang gw tau adalah gw bersalah karena gw udah lengah dan ceroboh. Gw sungguh menyesal.

Papa, maafin koko ya karena koko bukan anak yang baik. Papa ga usah kuatir soal Mama, biar anak-anak yang mengurus. Koko udah pesan tiket untuk tiap bulan pulang ke rumah. Koko akan jaga Mama dan adik-adik. Koko ga akan marah-marah ke Mama lagi. Koko akan perbaiki rumah seperti keinginan Papa. Koko janji akan sukses dan membuat Papa bangga.

Koko senang Papa sekarang udah di Surga. Papa ga usah kuatir soal rumah dan yang lain, sekarang koko yang akan mengurus semua. Koko janji.

Dinding mendengarmu, tapi...

Kita bukan orang suci. Well, gw bukan orang suci. Sebagai makhluk ciptaan-Nya yang paling sempurna, manusia—dengan asumsi pikirannya sehat dan lingkungannya mendukung— secara alami selalu berusaha menjadi lebih baik lagi, lebih suci lagi. Tapi dalam proses menuju kesitu, we can and will make mistakes.

OK, anggaplah gw mengajak seseorang untuk nyolong rambutan. Awalnya dia ga mau, takut dosa dan sebagainya. Gw juga takut, tapi penasaran gw mengalahkan takut gw, dan gw mengajak dia karena membutuhkan partner. Akhirnya kita nyolong bareng, berdua dalam keadaan sadar. Namun setelah nyolong berkali-kali dan makan sampai kenyang, dia menyesal dan menuntut gw bertanggung jawab atas penyesalannya. Dia ingin gw mengembalikan rambutan-rambutan yang gw dan dia makan dan membuat dia "kembali ke yang dulu." Wow, tunggu dulu.

Such concept does not compute in my mind. Steven Covey dalam bukunya 7 Habits of Highly Effective People mengatakan bahwa kita bertanggung jawab atas hidup kita sendiri. Orang lain akan berusaha mempengaruhi kita, namun kendali terakhir ada pada diri kita sendiri.

Mengutip bukunya (gw agak lupa, kata-kata akan berbeda): Seorang mahasiswa berkata dia tidak bisa ikut kuliah saya karena terpaksa ikut latihan olahraga. Saya berkata, "Apakah kamu sedemikian tak berdayanya sehingga harus ikut latihan itu, atau kamu memutuskan karena berbagai pertimbangan?" Akhirnya dia berkata itu berdasarkan pertimbangannya, karena kalau tidak latihan posisinya sebagai anggota tim akan terancam. Dia berusaha melemparkan tanggung jawab kepada keadaan agar tidak saya salahkan.

Kembali ke nyolong rambutan, beberapa hari lalu gw diteror seseorang yang menuntut pertanggungjawaban gw untuk hal serupa. Begitu niatnya orang itu sampai mengikuti gw di Twitter, Facebook dan mungkin blog ini (hey, are you reading this?). Di Facebook dia sampai punya beberapa akun yang jadi teman gw (dalam istilah Kaskus, ini namanya "klonengan") khusus memantau status updates gw. Ga hanya meneror gw, dia bahkan meneror orang yang dekat dengan gw.

Bagaimana bersikap dengan orang seperti ini? Sikap pertama tentu bereaksi, dalam hal ini menunjukkan penyesalan dan pernyataan sikap untuk berusaha menjadi orang yang lebih baik lagi. Sikap kedua memberikan pengertian mengenai konsep "hey, kamu yang bertanggung jawab atas hidupmu sendiri".

Tapi beberapa orang sungguh bebal otaknya. Apa yang harus dilakukan? Nothing. Seperti kata Steven Covey juga, "Saya tidak bisa membuka kepala Anda dan mengubah susunan kabel disitu agar Anda bertindak sesuai yang saya kehendaki." Ini harus dari dalam keluar.

Will I stop posting status updates in Facebook? Sekarang memang gw belum update apa-apa, tapi itu karena gw sibuk. Dinding memang punya telinga, tapi bukan berarti kita perlu "jaim" di lingkaran personal kita.